Does this sentence make sense?


The following post was taken from our YahooAnswers. The answer has useful material that can be beneficial for many.

Question:
Does this sentence make sense? “Us teenagers, have two vital factors that influence and guide our lives; Parents and school.” 

Answer:
Yes, but it is wrong.

teenagers

 

  1. You cannot use “Us” as a subject pronoun. “Us” is an object pronoun, as in “You gave us the ball.” Use “We,” instead.
  2. The subject (Us teenagers) should not be separated from the predicate (have two vital . . .) with a comma. Remove the comma.
  3. A semi-colon isn’t used to begin a list (parents and school). Use a colon.
  4. “Parents” should not be capitalized. It is not a proper noun, and it is not the first word in the sentence.

Here is one way to correct this sentence:
“We teenagers have two vital factors that influence and guide our lives: parents and school.”

Now that the errors are fixed, let’s remove the redundancies.

  1. You don’t need “we” and “teenagers.” The sentence already implies that you are a teenager by using the word “our” later in the sentence.
  2. “Guide” and “influence” share common meanings; they don’t have the same meaning, but something that guides also influences. Thus, you don’t need “influence.”
  3. “Vital” is also not needed. This word has no meaning here. It is not defined. The point is that factors affect you. You can remove this word without affecting the meaning of the sentence, which means you probably should.

Now the sentence reads as follows:
“Teenagers have two factors that guide our lives: parents and school.”

Finally, the sentence is not about you; it is about the factors. Factors perform the action described here. Therefore, “factors” should be the subject of the sentence.

Here is your final revision:
“Two factors guide teenagers’ lives: parents and school.”


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